What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Put me off passion for life!!

What do you think of the Quora group "It's Ok to Be White" for people who are proud of being white?

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Why do I want to suck cock, after smoking methamphetamine?

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I think the readers, may guess!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

What were some of the unforgettable incidents from your school life?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

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And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

We were not on the streets..

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?

What did i know ?

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

My mum and dad in the seventies!

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Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Would this be the day?

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Why are most girls not open to the idea of anal sex?

I write beautiful poetry .

One cannot live in the past .

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

How do you find out who your handler is as a targeted individual?

My life is so biszare .

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Do you love fat pussy?

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I was scared of men, in general

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

How do military families balance personal political views with respect for civilian leadership?

I was seconnd youngest,

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

We all went to grammer schools

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

She loved him until the end.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I was 9 years of age.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

He knew the spot.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

So whats the point in blame.

My family never makes their pension either.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

All the time i was locked up.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

And i lived it daily.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Comes on , in middle age.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I couldn’t, believe it.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

She married twice! .

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She wouldn,t have been !

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

She was in good health!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Was to survive, this bastard.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

When she asked me how she looked .

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I don,t even have a pension.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Im still living with it.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

He resisted the act ,that day.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Where the ultimate outsiders.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

I said to her

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I could never make a relationship work though!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Im dying but, im not bitter.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Especially a lifetime of it.

I have no regrets .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

I waited trembling.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I will be 64.

She found it foreign!.

Who then, do I blame.?

As i do to all so called friends.?

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

This is soul school!.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I know ,a lot about trauma.

So, i spoilt her more .

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

But, we were locked up after school.

Why did i forgive my father ?

(And it was in our own minds.)

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

It was going to be , some day.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

But ive been too sick for many years..

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Ive learnt so much.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

But it wasn’t much.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I never cut or harmed myself..

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I was very sick at this time too.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

On the 31st of Jan this month .